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Updated monthly editorial from Vixsin Magazine

Foreplay - March

 

There are some words that conjure up a vision of a particular time or place, just by virtue of their history. “9/11” will always mean a terrible day in New York in 2001 (even though Australians would have pronounced it 11/9), while “Sunbury” for those older people reading this generally means a hot, dusty music festival in 1973. Another word from the seventies which has never quite faded away is ‘Streaking’. Back then, getting your kit off in public was seen as a much more daring thing to do than it is now. Nude beaches weren’t exactly commonplace, and nudist clubs were still considered the house of the devil…..and bugger all people had even heard of swinging. Of course, there were some major differences in the way things were done back then, and the way people looked. The biggest one was that women actually had pubic hair! Yes, I know that those of you under 28yo will say that it’s all just a myth, and pussies have always been bald, but trust me – there was a time in the not too distant past when women didn’t log their Brazilian rain forests, and the word ‘furburger’ actually made sense! In Australia, most people at that time didn’t worry too much about a streaker or two livening up a boring cricket match, or footy game, especially if they were as cute as Helen d’Amico. Unlike pubic hair, streaking itself has never really gone away – it’s just evolved a little, but sometimes it seems as if our sense of humour about it hasn’t evolved quite as much. Take the case of Zoltan Harper for example. A very drunk Zoltan decided to streak through the gardens of a bunch of houses in near his local pub, until he got to one garden where he was attacked by the tenants, after which he ran headlong into a wheelie bin, fell down covered in rubbish and broke his jaw. The tenants (a French male, and a female trainee accountant, no less) then kicked him in the head and body just to add insult to injury. Apparently Zoltan and a friend had been drinking at the pub when Zoltan unexpectedly took off all his clothes except for his shoes and ran up the road outside the pub naked, shouting in joyous abandon. Perfectly reasonable behaviour if you ask me. Zoltan said he was so drunk he only remembered leaving the pub and then being in hospital. The couple that attacked him were charged, and between them and Sultan’s friends, they managed to work out what had happened. The attackers ended up pleading guilty and, in the words of the judge, “The facts of this case are indeed slightly unusual. I have regard to provocation and the behaviour of the victim who entered into your garden. You were affected by drink and he was so affected by drink he could not defend himself. You lost the plot and over-reacted.” Sounds about right, Judge. The attackers ended up getting sentenced to community work, and had to pay Zoltan $6000 in compensation. Somewhat stranger was a recent case in America though. A naked man riding a motorbike during some cold winter weather, lead police on a chase that ended when a cop’s car collided with the motorbike. The rider was charged with having no license and indecent exposure, but given how cold it was, it’s doubtful that anybody would have seen his dick anyway, because at the time it all happened, there was sleet everywhere. Unlike Zoltan, this guy wasn’t pissed, and apparently passed a drugs test too. In addition, he never actually committed any driving offences. Personally, and in the spirit of all those trailblazing streakers of the 1970’s, I reckon he deserves to be let off with a warning, and maybe, just maybe, given a local medal for courage above and beyond the call of duty. Why? Well, once upon a time (yep, back in the seventies) I tried fucking in the snow on a drunken university expedition, and I can tell you it’s bloody hard to do anything sexual when your balls are starting to freeze, so I say good luck to our American friend. He get’s his day on court on April 2nd, so I’ll let you know how he goes. Apparently at least part of the chase was caught on police video. Watch for it on a TV near you soon.

 

Ed - 1/3/2009

       

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