Time to Move
After more than 12 years in the same offices in St Kilda, we’re now in the process of moving to new premises. Back when we first leased our current offices, you needed a lot of space to produce a magazine, but these days they’re entirely computer created, so we don’t need a big place any more. We will have new phone numbers but the old ones will also work for at least the next 6 months. More about all that in the next issue.
Recently we’ve had heaps of newcomers at our Debauchery swinger’s party, and like all people who arrive in a new social setting, they usually want to know what the rules are. We have a basic spiel we give people over the phone when they first enquire, to help prepare them for the initial encounter, which they’re naturally a little nervous about.
Up till now though, and with a couple of exceptions, we haven’t gone into too much explicit detail regarding what goes on during the night, and how to behave, preferring to let nature take it’s course. Usually we’ll just say to people that the golden rule is, was, and always will be, respect for others.
However, Debbie and I are starting to feel that it might be time for us to explicitly state some rules which seem pretty obvious to us, but which a few people (and it is only a few) are forgetting. The following two examples are the ones we think need attention at the moment.
Firstly, let’s look at the side issue of booze. Our party, along with all the reputable ones operating in Melbourne, DOES NOT supply drink as part of the evening’s entertainment. Instead, we ask you to bring your own, not because we’re being cheap, but because the liquor licensing laws in this state mean we’d get arrested if we supplied alcohol to you. This means that partygoers have to make an educated guess as to how much they’re going to drink, and bring the proper amount. However, this is much easier in theory than it is in practice.
Some other parties have a set finishing time of midnight or 1am, whereas we let ours go on till it finishes naturally, which is never before 3am. This means that people who’ve been to other parties and who expected us to boot them out early may run out of something to drink. The same applies to people who came along intending to stay for two hours but were having such a good time that they stayed for five or six. Inevitably, some of these people will run out of booze but still feel like having a drink, and a small number of that group will steal somebody else’s drink from the fridge or wherever. At the last party we had, this light-fingered attitude to other peoples booze got a little out of hand. Bottles of spirits took a hammering, while whole bottles of wine and pre-mixed drinks disappeared from the fridge. Now, as we said earlier, it’s only a small minority who does this, and in nearly all cases I’m sure it’s not malicious. However, that doesn’t excuse the behaviour in any way, and we’ll have no hesitation in banning anyone who’s caught doing this.
The second issue concerns the old ‘No Means No’ rule. Essentially this means that if someone says that they don’t want to play with you, you back off and leave them alone. Sounds simple, but it can get a little complicated. As most guys learn very quickly, out in the real world it’s up to them to make the first move, sexually. The fact is that for all the changes in male/female relationships over the last 50 years, men are still expected to make the running in this area, and if we sat around waiting for women to do it, 98% of the time nothing would ever happen! Even in a swingers party situation, it’s still the guy who generally makes the first move, and sometimes he’ll be successful and sometimes not.
In swinging, the ‘No Means No’ rule applies regardless of whether or not your initial approach was verbal or physical. If you asked her to come and fuck, and she said no, you leave her alone. Similarly, if you’re in one of the swinging rooms, and you start stroking or feeling a woman lying near you, and she moves away from you or moves your hands off her, you’re expected to take this as a bloody big ‘NO’. Most of all, you’re expected not to keep pushing the issue by putting your hands back on her and hoping she’ll change her mind. If she does change her mind, she knows you’re interested and she knows where you are. Leave it at that.
Once again, this is not a major problem at the parties but it does pop up from time to time. Both the issues I’ve mentioned here come under the overall umbrella of mutual respect. If we all give each the kind of respect that we ourselves would want, we’ll all enjoy the swinging experience even more than we do now.
Herendith todays sermon.