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Updated monthly editorial from Vixsin Magazine

Newbie Mistakes


Couples who are newcomers to the swingers arena are often (and understandably) quite nervous about the whole process. For many of them, the least threatening way to dip their toes into this scene is to attempt to find another female for a threesome. The reality though, is that the vast majority will be disappointed in their quest to find that woman. These couples then often phone or email me and ask the best way to meet this elusive single (and usually bi) lady. I generally take two approaches to my answer. First of all, I ask the guy who called me (98% of the time it’s the male who approaches me in this situation) why they were only seeking a female and not another couple. Invariably he will insist that it was his partners wish to only play with another woman at this stage because she was worried about having another guy there, or was only bi-curious. However, if our conversation goes on for five or ten more minutes, and we establish a good rapport, it usually only takes a little prompting on my part for over 50% of these men to admit that it is they (and not their female partner) who is driving the bus on the issue of who to advertise for, and that the guys are after a female threesome partner for two reasons. Firstly, they are not too comfortable seeing their partner fondling another man, much less riding his cock or sucking him, but think that they should be able to go the whole hog with another woman; and secondly, that the guy has a long held fantasy of being ‘piggy in the middle’ of two women who are also having some bisexual play as well. Not only does this attitude seem very selfish to me, but it is almost invariably self-defeating, because of the low reply rate to ads from couples seeking females. Most people would understand that ads from single males seeking single females or couples would receive few, if any, replies. Less well known is the fact that ads from couples seeking single females are even less successful. The important question therefore, is how to get couples into a situation where they can have a female partner as a third member. The answer, I believe, lies in some lateral thinking, and a bit of give and take, literally. Couples looking for a female as a third member, would be much better off advertising to meet a couple with a female who was bi or curious, and stating right at the outset that they envisage a situation where each female would spend separate evenings with the other couple without the presence of her own partner, but that it must be agreed at the outset that neither couple can back out until each female has had at least one session with the alternate couple. To see if everyone were compatible, an initial foursome would establish whether there was trust and empathy between the four people to enable the scheme to work, and to reassure the couple going ‘second’, as it were, that the first couple would not back out on the deal. Many couples might prefer to have a number of foursomes with the new couple before venturing into the threesome area. Yes, I agree that it’s not foolproof, but to my mind it offers the only real chance for most couples looking for a female third partner, to actually realise their dream.


Ed - 8/1/2007



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