My mother is one of those women who has a saying for almost every possible situation. A lot of them were well worn phrases usually designed to keep me on the straight and narrow as defined by the catholic church (OK, so she screwed up big time with that idea).
Three phrases she used to say to me quite often in my teenage years were that ‘Clothes maketh the man’, and that I should remember to ‘Dress for Success’ because ‘First impressions count’. She probably directed these at me then, because at the age of 15 I had the dress sense of a demented dwarf, but those last two sayings have stuck with me over the years, because I found them to be very much true.
Not just for social or work occasions, but also true in respect of swinger’s contacts, though no doubt my mother would be appalled that I found an application for them in the swinger’s world – she did want me to be a priest after all!
And they’re true, not just literally in the sense that it helps if you dress well for a meeting with potential new playmates, but also figuratively in the sense that you should try and make sure that all the little details prior to a meet up are taken care of as well. This is because your success in getting together with the people you’re interested in, is often about taking care of all the small details to make you as appealing as possible.
The importance of ‘dressing to impress’ in this scene was rammed home to me once again a few weeks ago. I got a phone call from a man who’d replied to 5 ads from couples seeking guys for threesomes, and who hadn’t heard back from any of them. He seemed reasonably intelligent over the phone, and claimed to be good looking and well hung, so, out of interest, I contacted the two couples in that bunch of five, who’d both said they’d reply to everyone who responded, just to get their side of the story.
They were very nice about it all, but made the point that some of the replies were so bad that they really didn’t want to initiate any contact. This was especially true for the guy who’d phoned me.
In response to both these advertisers, he’d sent a four line reply on a scrap of torn-off A4 paper, together with a poorly photocopied picture of his arse! This had left such a bad impression on them, that they decided to go no further. I called him back and delicately suggested he make some changes to his approach, but he had real trouble understanding what he’d done wrong, because, in his words, ‘they only want a fuck, so what does it matter?’.
Well, to him and any others who agree with him, I’m here to tell you it DOES matter. First impressions are hugely important in the swinging scene, especially so when supply and demand are out of kilter.
For instance, there are always more guys wanting to have threesomes with couples, than there are couples looking for guys…and there are always more couples wanting threesomes with single females, than there are single females who want to play with a couple. In both these situations, the person or persons in less demand have to ‘dress to impress’ – they have to make that first approach as good as they possibly can so that their potential fuckbuddy/s like what they see/read, and choose them. Write/Type/ your reply or email neatly, without hordes of spelling errors, and give some detail about yourself, and why you should be the one they choose. Punctuation is important, so remember to use capital letters (the word I is NEVER spelt in lower case). If you decide to send a photo, make sure it’s a good one. Remember, it’s a competitive situation, not much different to applying for a job, so you have to make them WANT to give you the position (so to speak). Just as with job interviews, you won’t succeed with most of your applications, but if you apply for the right ‘positions’, and do your best to impress the ‘interviewer’ with your ‘qualifications’ each time, you’ll succeed sooner rather than later.